Earlier today, I walked a couple miles from my home to this bridge over I-85 in Atlanta. I’ve been meaning to do this since moving in October. It felt like a moment.
Since last writing here, I’ve been in a state of constant flux. Moments that felt like endings have opened up, revealing themselves to be more like portals. Through these portals, I’ve stumbled into my own version of Wonderland—marked by abstraction, beauty, pain, obstacles, and possibility.
While I wouldn’t say I’m out yet, I would say that I’m closer.
If you’re familiar with Tim Burton’s adaptation of Alice’s story, I’m at the point where Absalom the caterpillar tells her that she’s “almost Alice.”
The battle with the jabberwocky still looms, as does her return to the wedding she left in chaos, but you get the general feeling that, no matter how things turn out, it’s going to be okay.
For me, my time in “wonderland” has involved having a body scan the same day that I went to cast my vote in Georgia’s historical run-off election. The insurrection at the Capitol happened, and the very next day my oncologist announced that I had an unexpectedly high amount of seemingly cancerous growth in my liver and throughout my peritoneal cavity.
A follow up biopsy confirmed this and placed me in a mild state of cardiac arrest, but I bounced back in time to host a series of “death parties,” in which I shared my advanced health directive, will, and guardianship plan with my closest family and friends. During this time my children faced their own health concerns, and their father sustained a traumatic brain injury within his home in Costa Rica. They are all slowly on the mend, as am I.
My current recovery is thanks mostly to three 3 wonder medicines: Ibrance, lupron, & letrozole. The first is an oral form of targeted chemotherapy, and the second two are forms of endocrine therapy that fight cancer by bringing on menopause. Together, these have caused a host of interesting side effects, but they have also been effective at dissolving much of my cancer.
Naturally, I’ve expanded Queen of Wands to reflect these new experiences. However, no big changes are on the horizon, so I think it’s safe to say it’s now complete and will finally ship once I’ve approved the printed test copy.
Meanwhile, if you’re someone who knows me because of the instrument company I managed with my ex-husband, please rest assured that I haven’t given up on my mission to close that venture with as much grace as possible. Those of you who have ordered a pan will receive it.
Finally, thank you, everyone who has contributed to my book campaign thus far! It’s greatly helpful, especially since I am among those still waiting to receive both stimulus money and a tax refund. I genuinely hope you’ll enjoy reading the writing as much as I’ve enjoyed creating it. It’s been a difficult process, but there is wonder within it.
Earlier this year, outside Fernbank Museum with my children, making the best of things.
Moving forward creatively, I’m working on a project that explores the intersection of sex and aging, and I’ve consolidated much of my Medium-based writing into a single publication called Canna Poet Mom, while still submitting to a few other publications when I feel inspired. Some of my recent(ish) work is here, and here, and here.
Although I hope for my creative work to become the foundation of my career (and have even applied to a graduate film studies program, because why not?!), I’ve presently settled into copywriting on a freelance basis. I’m happy to say my primary clients are businesses that I think are doing good in the world. These include Ohio Medical Alliance (for which I contribute to Georgia Marijuana Card and West Virginia Marijuana Card), Georgia Center for Nonprofits, Work for Good, and Education Without Limits.
Now, that’s enough about me!
Substack, the platform where I host this newsletter, has recently come under fire for being home to some incendiary right wing voices. Even though I’m very left wing, I currently support Substack’s defense of promoting free speech for all, and I’m staying on the platform for now. Should that change, I will certainly keep you informed.
Today, I want to uplift some of the writers who have also chosen to remain here and consistently inspire me in both esoteric and practical ways:
Fariha Roisin: How to Cure a Ghost
Multiple Editors: Memoir Monday
Mandy Hofmockel: Journalism Jobs and a Photo of My Dog
I’d also like to give a nod to Sarah Gailey, who left the platform, and to Nicole Cardoza. Nicole has never been part of the Substack community, but her newsletter Anti-Racism Daily is one of my personal must-reads.
Until next time,
Kelli
Content of The Grey Way is free, but tips via Venmo, CashApp or PayPal are always welcome. Thanks for your support!